wings of desire

It has been seven months, two weeks, and four days since Sugawara was found hiding out on the Ushijima Farm.

The farmer, who turned out to be the only staff on the ranch, had found him cowering under a low hanging tree, body shaking and skin gaunt.

-

At the shadow of a large man looming over him, Sugawara attempted to scurry away.

“Wait.” A deep, yet calm voice rang in Suga’s ears.

He stopped, his palms sinking into the dewey grass below him. Sugawara was a crow hybrid, one of the last remaining. He had been shot down attempting to divert the military from his murder.

His former murder.

They had gone far away, over to a hideout that Sugawara would never be able to make it to. One of his wings had been shot, which had been slowly healing. His murders scent would be so far gone that Sugawara had no chance but to hide out where he had been stranded.

“I do not mean to hurt you.”

Sugawara’s eyes widened at the man. He was huge, over six feet tall. A large build, impressive in stature. It looked like those of the military that had just forced Sugawara and his murder out of Karasuno.

“Do you know where you are?”

No, Sugawara doesn’t. Silently, he shook his head.

“Shiratorizawa.” The man crouched down, causing Suga to jolt. “Hey, it’s okay.”

Fuck. Suga was hoping to at least make it to Inarizaki’s territory if possible, but he couldn’t get forty five minutes outside of Karasuno.

“Come inside. No questions asked. You look like you need food.”

So Suga stood up on shaky legs, following Ushijima inside. The farmer told Suga to look around and make himself at home in the unassuming yet large farmhouse.

His eyes scanned the area, looking for any threats. A photo, hung above a mantel. A man with fiery red buzzed hair, next to a man with silver buzzed hair. Military uniforms clothed their bodies, guns in front of them in hand.

Troop 1221.

The Hybrid Extermination Division.

An audible gasp left his lips. Inside his oversized hoodie, his feathers ruffled silently.

“Don’t worry.” The voice caused Suga to jump. “I was discharged.”

“Sorry, I-”

“I refused to hunt hybrids.”

“What?” Suga couldn’t have heard him correctly. An ex-military man who refused to kill hybrids, the abominations to society?

“I signed up to fight for this country, not fight those in our country.”

“Do-do you have thoughts on hybrids?” Suga had to know.

“Doesn’t everyone?” It was a cryptic answer, one that Sugawara was not pleased with. “Do you?”

“I think…they get a lot of hate for something they can’t change.”

Sugawara looked at the polished floorboards, violently ignoring the blood rushing to his head.

“Yeah.” Ushijima turned around, cracking eggs into a pan. “But what do we humans know?”

Humans, that must have meant that Sugawara had hid his wings well enough and humans didn’t have a strong enough nose to pick out his earthy scent.

“Yeah,” Sugawara shuffled next to Ushijima. “How can I help?”

And that’s how it began. Seven months of quiet living for Sugawara and Ushijima. Ushijima got up at dawn, which Sugawara was unable to do. Crows are night creatures, and Sugawara could only handle so much sunlight on his pale skin.

Once he woke up, Suga fixed them both a pre-lunch snack and brought it outside. Ushijima would take a break, which was the signal for Suga to start his own work.

Ushijima handled the crops and Suga the livestock. One day, Ushijima admitted that the animals were afraid of him and he had been debating hiring someone to work with them. Then, Suga came along.

He didn’t get paid but Ushijima allowed him to live and eat there for free. They worked, with Ushijima heading to bed at dusk and Suga staying up until the late hours of the evening.

Sugawara came without clothes and Ushijima came without questions. Ushijima didn’t ask questions and Suga didn’t offer any explanations.

Ushijima gave Suga an entire wardrobe of hand-me-down clothes that were just big enough on Suga but fit nonetheless. He always wore a sweater, despite blistering heat. The bulk of it hid his wings better than any t-shirt could.

It was a peaceful life, one that Suga could not have imagined living. The silence with Ushijima tampered down the everlasting ache in his heart.

Sugawara missed his murder and would until the day of his death. In the back of his mind, he held out hope that maybe one day he could reunite with his murder.

With Daichi, with Asahi. With Noya and the young ones. With Kiyoko and Yachi. With everyone he looked after. He knew Daichi would make a good replacement as head of the murder, but Sugawara still ached to be there for them, to be their protector.

Seven months in and Sugawara could feel his wings almost healing. Both had been entirely broken by his fall after being shot from the sky and several holes and punctured him.

Now they are healing. He would almost be ready to search for his murder once more but there was still a month or two to go before he was in good enough shape to travel again.

He put on a dark green hoodie and black jeans before sliding on his work boots. His coat was downstairs, having quickly turned winter. The seasons went by quicker on the farm, or maybe Suga has finally lost it.

When he went downstairs, the TV (which was seldom used) was on softly.

And tomorrow we are expecting a full 15 inches of snow, followed by another 13 on Saturday and 12 on Sunday. If these predictions are correct, they would blow past the current record for snow accumulation. Temperatures appear to be-

“Sugawara.” Ushijima had finally noticed his presence. “It is going to snow.”

With a creak of the stairs and a hand on the railing, Suga finally stepped down the last three stairs with a thump. “I gathered that…yeah.” Concern coursed through Suga. “What about the animals? Will they be okay in the cold?”

There was a hint of something on Ushijima’s face. A twitch of the lips, maybe? A raise of an eyebrow. Was it…was Ushijima trying to smile?

In seven months, two weeks, and four days, Suga can’t recall seeing a smile from Ushijima.

“They will be okay, but they appreciate your concern about them.” The smile could even be heard in his tone of voice.

The frown on Suga’s face. It wasn’t that Suga didn’t believe Ushijima, he just had been one of those animals and never wanted them to go through what he had.

“I will shovel the path every hour in order to make sure I can still reach the barn to check in on them. They have more than enough food and water. Plus, they have blankets.”

The knot in Suga’s chest began to ease.

“And, there is a heating system in the barn. All of the animals have heat in their units. The entire barn is structurally sound in order to keep the cold and snow out. And they have thicker skin than we do.”

Suga knew that because his own skin was thicker than a humans.

“Can I look after them? I don’t mind heading out in the cold. Plus, they’ll get lonely without any company.”

An analytical look was shot his way. It made sense that Ushijima’s hair would rise at the offer, but Suga didn’t care. Those animals were the closest thing Suga had to a murder and he needed to protect them from the storm.

“Of course you may.” Ushijma gave Suga a once over. “As long as you promise to bundle up.”

“I’ll be fine.” With a smile, Suga went over to make brunch, seeing as Ushijima hadn’t had any food since the early hours of the day.

“I know you will.”

As if he didn’t hear the words, Suga went into the fridge to grab eight eggs. A human wouldn’t have heard those words. They were quiet, too quiet even for him. But he heard them nonetheless.

It made his heart warm knowing that Ushijima trusted him, thought well of him. Suga had been deprived of love for so long, except for the love of the barn animals. But having it come from the stoic farmer who clearly cared about Suga more than he let on meant the world to Suga.

“After our meal, I am going to head to the market.” The TV clicked off. “Would you like to come with?”

Feathers ruffled under his sweater, rustling the fabric gently. Being with so many humans was dangerous, especially in Shiratorizawa, a militant heavy land.

“No, but that is a kind offer.”

Suga whisked the eggs mindlessly, his ears on full alert as he waited for a response.

“Alright,” Ushijima conceded easily. “Anything that you would like me to pick you up?”

“No, but thank you for the offer,” Suga repeated.

“Alright.”

Once Ushijima had finished his meal, he stood up. With careful eyes, Suga watched Ushijima leave. Ushijima would be gone for at least a few hours, which meant Suga would be able to fly.

The old, rusty car maneuvered its way out of the driveway. Suga scrambled out of the chair, hurrying to do the dishes. Once they were on the drying rack, he practically ran out the door. Ignoring the flakes of snow falling on grey hair.

The barn door was quickly opened as Suga couldn’t stop his glee from overtaking him. Ushijima was right, it was warm in the barn.

The animals were sleeping, which was normal for this time. Suga smiled, shucking off his sweater and shirt.

As soon as he was bare chested, Suga fully expanded his wings. The sleek black wings almost spanned the length of one bar door. They were huge, a signal of the protector of the murder. The larger wings allowed for coverage of the younger crows.

Standing there, wings spread out, he gave them an experimental flap. They moved to his command, making a whooshing sound flow through the barn.

Impossibly, his smile grew even wider.

There were still scars under the new feathers where the bullet holes and punctured his wings. They were achy from not being used.

But most importantly, they were ready.

Sugawara flapped his wings and he flew.

He launched himself up into the air, wings flapping just enough to keep him above all of the stalls. The animals were all staring up at him.

Suga could feel the love from the animals down there. He had been with them, gently fluttering his wings around them to feel comfortable, to share their similarities.

He felt the warmth flutter around him, his wings stirring up the air.

A joyous laugh escaped his lips.

He was flying. He was flying.

“I’m flying!” Suga yelled. He propelled himself up to the very tip of the barn before diving down.

Right before he hit the ground, he swooped upwards, dust flying up around him.

He heard the horses neigh and the cows moo. They had been rooting for him to fly again. He had found a home in them.

Suga’s wings were already tired from not using them for so long but that didn’t stop him. He launched himself in the air again, sending himself in a backwards somersault.

He flew in circles, up and down, landing on the rafters. The glee inside of him felt like he was glowing.

Up in the rafters, Suga gently thumbed at his own feathers, feeling the silk texture under the soft pads of his fingers.

All knew feathers had grown in, replacing the old damaged ones. Now that he had time to take care of his wings, his feathers were shiny and healthy.

Not ready to cramp his wings back in his sweater, he launched himself back up into the air.

He flew around for a few more minutes, wings expanded as far as can be.

Then, the barn door creaked open.

Suga’s wings didn’t fumble, thankfully. Ushijima stared up at him, wide eyed.

Suga had two options. Stay and fight or run and hide.

Suga was tired of hiding.

He slowed down the flutter of his wings, slowly coming to hover in front of Ushijima. His wings flapped just fast enough to keep him a foot off the ground, making him slightly taller than Ushijima.

“I…I just came back to see if there was going to be enough food for the animals before the storm hit.”

It was the first time Ushijima had stammered in front of Suga. The man was always so confident with his words.

Suga was left speechless, unsure what was about to happen. He had been in love with Ushijima since month four but never said anything because of this exact moment.

“You have wings.”

It was an obvious thing to say. Of course Suga had wings, they were splayed out for Ushijima to stare at.

“Yeah.”

“You’re a crow hybrid.”

“Yeah.”

Ushijima blinked as if trying to clear his head or come up with something to say.

“I was shot.” Suga broke the silence. “The day you found me. The troop, your old troop, had been hunting us and I was able to get their attention.”

A frown appeared on Ushijima’s typically passive face. Nervously, Suga waited for an answer from Ushijima.

“Us…” Ushijima’s head tilted. “Where is your murder?”

Suga’s mouth shut with a heavy sigh. “I don’t know.”

A pause.

“Then I’ll help you find them.”

“What?” Suga’s eyebrows flew upward, his wings fluttering nervously.

“I’m going to help you find them.”

“Why?” Suga stopped flying, his wings coming to a halt.

“They are your family, Suga. You deserve to be with them.”

Hope sparked in Suga’s chest.

“Okay,” Suga nodded. “Okay.”

A smile bloomed on Ushijima’s face. He opened his mouth wide, wider than Suga had ever seen before. His arms opened, offering a hug for Suga.

The hybrid stepped forward, his bare chest coming in contact with Ushijima’s overcoat. His arms wrapped around Ushijima’s chest and tucked his head in.

Warm, calloused hands gently found their way under Suga’s wings, gently holding him. The two stood there, breaths slowing down as they thought comfort in each other.

Suga was the first to pull away. He opened his mouth before his brain could catch up with him.

“Would you like to touch them?”

Silence fell over the usually lively barn. Nervously, his feathers ruffled, letting out a little noise. Ushijima stared, wide eyed.

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.”

The gentle giant in front of him anxious approached Suga’s left side. One palm was under the two wings, steadying Suga on his skin.

His left hand went up to the highest row of wings, which were at about chin level with Ushijima. A thumb and foreigner gently grasped onto one single feather, reverently striking it.

A shiver went down Suga’s spine. It had been almost a year since someone stroked his feathers, touched him so intimately.

The calluses on Ushijima’s skin against the soft feathers made Suga shut his eyes.

“Suga.”

His voice was deep, sincere, and somewhat…breathy.

Suga turned slightly, looking up into Ushijima’s dark eyes. The snow was falling outside, the wind flowing in. Suga couldn’t even get cold, but he was almost shaking right now.

The heat from Ushijima’s gaze and the warmth radiating from his body made Suga feel brighter than he has in months.

“Can I kiss you?” whispered Ushijima.

“Oh.” Suga hadn’t expected that.

It was one thing for Ushijima to accept Suga but to love him, to want to be with him? It felt too good to be true.

“Yes. Please, yes.”

Suga gasped when Ushiijma gently grasped his chin. It was light, yet there was strength gently lying underneath his palm. Ushijima leaned down, hot breath on Suga’s.

Their lips met, cold on warm. Ushijima was somehow warm despite being outside from the walking and Suga’s body was perpetually cold.

Ushijima parted his lips, his tongue gently opening Suga’s mouth. They kissed until they were breathless, standing there in the barn. Suga pulled back. Ushijima stared down, dopey smile still on his face.

“I still need to go to the store, but I don’t want to leave you. I love you, Sugawara Koushi. I love you.”

His chest heaved with all of the emotions flooding through him. It was a new kind of love, one that he had never felt before. But it was a beautiful love, a pure love.

“We have enough food for the animals, Ushijima.” Suga had already checked yesterday.

“Wakatoshi. Call me Wakatoshi.”

“Wakatoshi,” Suga’s lips tilted upward. “We have enough food for the animals.”

The two made their way inside the main home, holding hands. “I really have to go, but the second I get back I am going to help you find your murder. I promise, Koushi.”

“You don’t mind? I can fly now, I can leave, I am going to leave.”

“You need to find them,” Ushijima urged. “I know that. I love you, but you deserve your murder.”

“Wakatoshi-”

His heart ached. He didn’t want to leave after spending months building up to this. Yet at the same time, his murder had always been and will always be his number one priority.

“No. I will be here. There’s something I have to tell you.”

“Okay…” Sugawara tapped his fingers against his own thigh.

“I have friends in the troop still.”

The crow hybrid stiffened yet waited for a response before coming to a judgement.

“They are taking down the troop from the inside. It’s a full rebellion. Once the troop is gone, the legislation is next. Seijoh and Nekoma’s territories are already against the anti-crow-hybrid laws and are working to get them repealed.”

“I promise you,” Ushijima pulled him in close. “That this is a safe place for you, for your murder. I-I have a whole secondary house and a dozen more bedrooms in this home. Bring them here, Koushi.”

It was true, Wakatoshi lived in a massive home with one smaller guest home. It was riches unlike he had ever seen before.

But it would work. Wakatoshi was right.

“Okay, yeah.” Suga was all in.

“Let’s bring your murder home.”

It was a promise, one that Suga knew Wakatoshi would follow through on. One that Suga knew was true and that his murder would find a home here, could hide out until the lands had abolished their laws against crow-hybrids,

Finally, after seven months, two weeks, and four days, Suga was going to be with his family again. And this time, he wasn’t alone.

“Let’s bring my murder home.”