One Last Time

He hadn’t given much of a thought to the weather changes. It was just a mere thought in the morning when he needed to dress, looking at the sky to decide if he needed to wear a jacket, bring an umbrella, or if he needed a scarf.

He couldn’t bend the seasons to his will. He wouldn’t prevent winter from changing into spring. The sun moved on its own. The rain didn’t stop when he wanted it to.

So it was a pleasant surprise that he left his home that day with a clear sky, the sun not awake yet, walking his usual way up to school.

He was glad it wasn’t raining. Rain would’ve made this day much harder. Snow would’ve been a rightout disaster.

There wasn’t much left now. It was the day of the graduation ceremony. The last day he walked down the same path he had followed for the last three years.

He was going to miss it.

He would miss pondering on his thoughts while he passed buildings and trees.

Those were definitely changing, he thought as he looked at the pink of the cherry blossoms.

He scratched the dog of his neighbour behind his ears, greeted the people on his way, and looked around to see if Daichi or Asahi were around, to take the last steps to school with him.

But the longer he waited he knew he couldn’t avoid passing the school gate and walked that path alone.

They would part ways today for one last time.

He wasn’t good at saying goodbye.

But the end of things was inevitable.

He couldn’t escape this ending, the final time he would walk into the gym, stand in front of his team, and hold back tears that wanted to escape his eyes. He had been fearing this day ever since they exited the bus that brought them back from Tokyo in January, and still he wasn’t ready.

Whatever happened tomorrow, next week, in a year, didn’t matter to him right now. All that he wanted was to stand here a bit longer, play with those incredible people; just one more match, toss one more ball because they have given him so much.

The familiar building of the gym came into his view as he tightened the grip on his bag. He had to hold back storming into it, knowing he would disturb the training but it felt wrong. He was no longer part of this. He needed to move on, prepare himself for later.

So he took a turn to the right, avoiding looking back. Else he would really give in to his feelings. It had already been really hard to give the club into the hands of someone else.

*

Somehow it was unreal. It was neither pleasant nor scaring him but he couldn’t believe that it was happening. Maybe he just dreamed and would wake up pretty soon, realising he had one year left.

He knew it was coming.

After coming back from the nationals it was a matter of time. Nothing that hit him out of nowhere. Yet it took his breath away.

He tossed most of the balls into the wrong direction which made Tanaka shout at him at some point. “Suga-san! You can do better than that!”

“Sorry,” he said, waving his hand in an apology.

“Come on.” Daichi gave his shoulder a hard slap. “Show our juniors that we are better than them.”

Suga saw him flashing a grin.

Didn’t Daichi feel the same? All the nostalgia hitting him? Remembering how everything started here?

Even Asahi was on top of his game today. Then one person he had thought would be crying during their last training. Instead Asahi was on a roll, doing one service ace after another.

He took a deep breath as it was Kageyama’s turn to serve.

He didn’t need to see how Daichi moved to receive the volley. He knew that he had their backs. Was the reliable captain till this very last minute.

As he heard him receive it, shouting “Suga!” he turned, touching the ball shortly, tossing it to Asahi.

One more point and they would win.

This was the last ball he would ever toss.

He didn’t want this game to end.

He felt the first tear rolling down his face when Asahi hit through the block, the combined powers of Tsukishima, Hinata and Yamaguchi weren’t able to stop him.

As he heard the whistle ending the game he sank to his knees, a flood of tears accompanying him.

That was his last game.

*

There was something sobering about their graduation ceremony. He felt cleared, filled with new determination. He was ready, at least his mind.

His heart spoke a different language.

He never regretted staying in the volleyball club. He could’ve focused on school. He probably should’ve instead of going all the way to Tokyo.

But life wasn’t all about that. About doing the right things or playing it safe. Sometimes you have to take risks, do things you enjoy without getting something in return. And he wasn’t sad about taking this path. He was sad that it would end at this very moment

Daichi took the lead walking to the gym, closely followed by Kiyoko and Asahi.

It was him who walked in last, closing the door silently.

He watched Ennoshita giving orders to Yamaguchi and Tsukishima while Ukai talked with Yachi. Nishinoya was laughing at something that Tanaka said. Kageyama looked annoyed at Hinata who tried to do a jump serve and failed by hitting the net.

It felt as if nothing had changed at all.

They came to a halt in the middle of the hall, grabbing the attention of the team immediately as they heard four pairs of shoes walking in the same rhythm. Kinoshita’s ball rolled out of his hands. Daichi bowed down, grabbed it, touching it gently with a smile on his lips.

Suga gulped, looking to his left, seeing Asahi staring at the net in front of them, losing his fight against the tears. They were already streaming down his face. Suga turned away, knowing too well that he wasn’t allowed to cry now. Not until he had given a little speech himself but it was so hard to hold back and not cry.

He had cried his fair share of tears months ago.

*

“Thank you for the game!” they shouted in unison as they bowed down.

He hadn’t stopped crying since the game ended. He hadn’t been able to. There was so much to say and little time left.

His eyes wandered through the row of first and second years in front of him, lingering on each and everyone for a few seconds.

He saw Nishinoya crying ugly tears, Tanaka grabbing his shoulder so hard that his knuckles went white, while his face showed how hard it was to keep his own composure. Kinoshita and Narita were standing straight, waiting for one last speech by Daichi. Ennoshita wiped his arm over his face, trying to hide that he had shed a few tears.

Tsukishima didn’t move a muscle in his face, but Suga saw that he was also affected. It was hard to read him but by now he knew that it worked behind those glasses. Yamaguchi bit his lip, eyes tearing up.

Kageyama was nodding at him, a mutual understanding passing between them. Hinata was right beside him, his body trembling with excitement.

How hard it must be for him to stand still, not ask for another match? He couldn’t imagine.

He ended with looking at Yachi, who had stopped crying.

She would do great.

They all would do great.

But he wanted to keep watching, seeing how they strived further to the top, crushing their boundaries, setting new limits.

What if he never left this building? Would he stay here forever? Was that possible?

Coach Ukai cleared his throat.

“I think it’s always hard to say goodbye,” he started, rubbing the back of his head. “And maybe we don’t see this as a goodbye but more like a ‘see you soon’ because you’re always welcome here.”

He nodded in their direction.

“But for now we have to part ways. This is the time you give the responsibility to someone else, the people who helped you to fulfil your dream to go to Tokyo. If you may start, Sawamura-san?”

Suga didn’t know how Daichi didn’t break down. He was crying his heart out and Daichi was the embodiment of a captain. As if nothing would shake him.

“Ennoshita,” Daichi said. “I know you don’t think that you’re capable of being a captain because you ran away one time but I always believed in you. The team relies on you. They trust you. Nobody is able to stop Tanaka and Noya but you’ve always been the only one who was able to give guidance before the chaos started spreading around. And let’s not speak about our energetic first years.”

He winked at them. Tsukishima’s lips twitched while Hinata protested. Yamaguchi looked caught. Kageyama was carrying the same stoic expression as always.

Ennoshita stepped forward as Daichi handed him a jersey. A brand new jersey with the number one. “Make me proud,” he mouthed when he gave it to him.

Ennoshita turned around, looking at his teammates as they shouted congratulations.

Suga felt how Kiyoko and Asahi pushed him forward.

He stumbled shortly but then he stood right next to Daichi.

The last time he would act as his vice-captain. He coughed slightly to get the attention of the team that had started to throw around jokes.

He didn’t want to have it any other way. Seeing them smile and behave like idiots. A bunch of lovely idiots, he might add.

With a smile he started to speak, “Normally I would give my jersey number to the next vice-captain but I had a special request by Asahi.” Raised eyebrows and surprised sounds were the answer. “There’s only one person I want to be my successor. And he happens to be the next person in line to be the team’s ace.”

He widened his smile as he saw Nishinoya dropping his jaw, getting the hint first. Tsukishima was already rolling his eyes. Hinata looked around confused.

“We had a long debate, trying to figure out who would be the best to help Ennoshita in his duties as a captain. And there was only one person I could think of,” he continued. “Tanaka, would you give me the honour?”

The silence that followed was something that made Kiyoko chuckle, even Asahi snorted while Daichi laughed out loud.

“Me?” Tanaka asked, walking forward after an encouraging nudge in his side by Nishinoya and Kinoshita.

“Yes,” Suga said, giving him the jersey. “Without you the team wouldn’t be whole. Your mental strength is amazing. You connect to the people in a different way. And we all think that only you can fulfil the role of an ace and vice-captain.”

Tanaka pulled him into a tight hug that pushed the air out of his lungs.

Oh, would he miss his team.

*

“This must be the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” Daichi said, clearing his throat. “I don’t want to be sentimental. We already had that. We don’t want to go. We want to play longer.” He stopped, taking a deep breath. “But we can’t and so we’ll leave this club to you. Saying our proper goodbye.”

Suga bit his lip when Daichi inhaled sharply, while Asahi was making weird noises that sounded like a hurt animal. He could feel his pain, feel the weight of the world on his own shoulders.

Volleyball hadn’t been his life - he wasn’t like Hinata or Kageyama - but he would dearly miss it.

What should he do now?

The days he went to training before and after school were over. The training matches against so many schools who helped them to grow; memories, precious memories he wanted to keep in his heart forever. He would dearly miss the thrill of this, the devastation, the sore muscles, the tears and laughter, friendly bickering, the fights, and shared meals.

He didn’t want to say goodbye to any of them.

Was he ready to leave? Was he ready to grow up? Was he ready to go his own path?

He didn’t know and the longer he thought about it, the harder it got to breathe.

“All of you have grown so much. We tried things we didn’t dare before. Without you we wouldn’t have been able to go to Tokyo. Even if we didn’t stand on the Center Court it meant so much to me - to us ” - Daichi corrected after looking at Kiyoko, Asahi and him - “ that you helped us to fulfil our dream. And I don’t have enough words to express how grateful I am.”

Daichi stopped because the tears were streaming down now and he wiped them away with the sleeve of his training jacket. “I-I hope you won’t forget us. Thank you so much.”

He bowed down. The rest of them followed.

When they stood straight again, Suga stepped forward, expectant eyes on him. “Daichi already said everything important. I won’t repeat his words since it’s the last time he can play captain” - a few of the first and second years chuckled at that - “but I am as the former vice-captain surely have to say other things.”

Everyone got silent again, focusing on him.

“I am happy that I got to know all of you. You showed me that believing can make dreams come true.” He grabbed the hem of his shirt, crinkling it between his fingers. “We fought hard. It was never easy. And I won’t miss the times I had to run up that hill at Shinzen High School last summer.”

Daichi gave him a hard slap on the back. “Well, it wasn’t that bad.”

“I still dream about it sometimes,” Asahi replied dead serious, which again sent laughter through the team. “And the flying falls…”

Asahi went on about the training camp, everyone throwing in a fond memory of those days, as Suga felt his eyes burning.

He had one last mission and then he could walk out of this gym without any regrets. He just needed to start somewhere. The knot in his chest was growing bigger as he walked to Ennoshita first.

“You will do amazing. Lead them to Tokyo again.” With a slap on his shoulder he moved to the next people standing beside him: Kinoshita and Narita.

“Don’t fear to make yourself seen,” he said to Kinoshita. “And never think you don’t deserve to stand on the court. Give it your best.” He turned with those words to Narita.

He took his time with Tanaka, talking to him about his duties as the vice-captain, which he answered with a lot of laughter and teasing as Asahi and Daichi took over.

He didn’t have much to say to Nishinoya, just hugged him very long, tears streaming from their eyes as they eventually let go.

The first years seemed to be more reserved than he had ever seen them. It was almost scary how they looked at him.

“It was a pleasure to beat Shiratorizawa with you,” he said, when he shook hands with Tsukishima. “I hope to see you play professionally one day.”

“As if that happens,” Tsukishima commented.

Suga snickered as he moved on. “Don’t let Kinoshita steal your thunder, Yamaguchi. And when you become captain one day, I want you to give your best.”

“C-captain?” he stuttered.

“I mean what I said,” he commented with a wink and left a stunned Yamaguchi in the care of Tsukishima.

Another mop of blonde hair came into his view belonging to the glue of their team, the person, who had joined them at last. “Yachi-san, take care of them, will you?” The girl nodded eagerly before Kiyoko tapped her on the shoulder to talk to her.

And then there were only two left.

The rest of the group had spread around the hall, exchanging some last words, laughing, crying, and everything in between. He saw how Takeda walked into the gym, finally free from his duties as a teacher. Suga knew he would also want to give a speech soon. He had to hurry.

But what should he say to Hinata and Kageyama? What kind of advice did they need?

“Thank you, Sugawara-san,” Kageyama said instead. “For everything you showed me. I’ve become a better setter because of you.”

“Oh, Kageyama. I just stopped crying,” he answered, one of his fingers wiping away the single tear that had crept out.

“We will do our best,” Hinata added. “You’ll come and watch our matches?”

“Sure,” he uttered. “Why shouldn’t I come to see the Prelims and the Spring Tournament?”

“He means when we go professionally,” Kageyama said.

“And stand on the stage of the world.”

Suga knew he would meet them there, and would watch every step of their path.

He patted them both on their backs and then went to Ukai to exchange some last words with him.

As expected Takeda gave a longer speech, about responsibilities and growing up, how things will change but also stay the same. He listened closely, inhaled every word, imprinted them into his mind, savoured every second he could stay here. This would be the last time he would hear this. Daichi, Asahi and Kiyoko did the same, standing beside him, all of them not ready to go. Once they left the gym, the school grounds, they would go separate ways.

Silence befell the room as Takeda finished speaking.

All eyes were set on Daichi. “I think it’s time to go now.”

“No,” Ennoshita said. “There’s one more thing you have to do.”

“Your last duty as a captain,” Tanaka stated.

Daichi looked puzzled, then looked at him. Suga laughed as the team started to form a circle.

He extended his hand, waiting for the others to join.

One last time.

“Karasuno fight!”