come alive with you

Sugawara takes a deep breath in and slowly lets it out. He can’t believe it’s actually taken him 25 years to set foot in the famous Fushimi Inari-taisha. He’s been to other shrines; he goes to shrines quite regularly, in fact. But it’s his first visit to the biggest shrine. It’s also his first shrine visit without his friends, and for a moment, he wishes that Daichi and Asahi and Shimizu were here with him. He quickly lets it go; it had been his decision to come here alone, after all.

The sight of the torii is already soothing his nerves that have been frayed since he arrived in Kyoto a week ago. He’s not religious per se (he prefers to call himself spiritual), but being at the shrine especially in very stressful times like this is comforting to him. He’s starting a new school year tomorrow, at a new school in an entirely new city—heck, an entirely new region of the country—and he’s only just finished settling and unpacking into his new apartment.

He takes a quick look around. He pays no mind to the throng of tourists crowding a few feet before the giant torii at the entrance (posing for pictures to be posted on social media, he’s fairly sure). He passes through quietly under the giant torii and makes his way to the main hall.

The inside of the main hall is more majestic than he ever imagined. He takes it all in, slowly walking towards the middle of the large room, admiring the architecture and the way the gold stands out against all the red. He finally arrives at the front of the room and kneels in front of the altar dedicated to the inari okami. His lips move ever so slightly as he quietly prays for a successful school year, and for protection for himself and for his loved ones back home. He burns incense at the altar and bows deeply before heading out and exploring the rest of the shrine.

He leaves the Fushimi Inari-taisha hours later with new prayer charms in his pocket — one for good luck and one for finding love. He had sent Daichi a photo of the charms as soon as he had bought them, and Daichi had replied, “Didn’t know you were looking for love, but I support you on that!” Only then had Sugawara realized that he hadn’t really known what in the world possessed him to buy that second charm. Oh well, it probably won’t hurt, he thinks.

He’s nearly at home when he feels the brush of something furry against his pant leg. Sugawara looks down, and there it is — a little red fox, with the fur on its head arranged peculiarly such that it looks like it has bangs falling over half its face.

“Aren’t you a cute little thing?” Sugawara coos. He bends down to pick up the little fox and cradles it in his arms. Without looking back, Sugawara brings home a brand new pet.

***

It’s dark, and I should be sleeping. But somehow, here I am, outside in the dark, and here they all are, too. My stupid brother has dragged everyone here. At least they didn’t barge into the apartment.

“Are you listening, Atsumu?” Aran-sama barks at me. I’m stupid enough to get caught not paying attention, apparently. But it can’t be helped when all I want to do is go back inside and resume my position a few minutes earlier, curled up in bed with the beautiful silver-haired man.

As a fox. I was curled up in bed with the beautiful silver-haired man in my fox form.

“Sorry, what was that?” I ask casually.

“I said, what exactly is your plan?” Aran-sama challenges me. “Be his pet forever?”

“Of course not.” I struggle to maintain a respectful tone. Aran-sama is an elder, after all. But I’m not stupid. I didn’t follow the man to become a house pet.

“I know what I’m doing,” I insist to the three elder kami—Kita-sama, Aran-sama and Omimi-sama, who are staring at me. My brother is pointedly looking away. He can rot in hell for all I care (he won’t, though).

“Do you really?” Kita-sama asks, in his gentle voice that carries more weight than any other kami.

“He clearly doesn’t,” Osamu says, rolling his eyes. His arms are crossed over his chest.

“This is crazy. Just come home, Atsumu,” Omimi-sama chimes in. I shake my head.

“Atsumu—” Aran-sama begins sternly, but Kita-sama shakes his head once and immediately, Aran-sama stops talking.

“He’s old enough to understand what he’s getting into,” Kita-sama says. “I pray you’re doing the right thing, Atsumu.”

“If the gods are praying, then we’re all screwed,” Osamu mutters. He sighs just as they transform back into foxes and run away without a sound, until they disappear into the darkness.

I close my eyes, and when I open them, I’m curled up in bed with the beautiful man. As a fox, but still.

As of tonight, there are only four inari okami at the shrine.

I’m sure no human will notice.

I only need one human to notice me, after all.

***

Sugawara frowns when he wakes up the next day.

He’s 100% sure he had taken the fox home. He’s also sure that the fox had slept on his bed last night. But he’s just spent the first two hours of his Monday morning looking for his pet to no avail. He quickly scans his apartment one last time and, seeing no sign of the fox, closes the door and starts to make his way to work. The fox must have decided to go home, wherever “home” is. It’s Sugawara’s fault for not giving the fox a name as soon as he got him.

He makes a quick stop at a nearby konbini to grab a sandwich and a cup of coffee. He’s too distracted from losing his brand-new pet, he concludes later that day, and that’s how he ends up bumping right into a man who’s entering the konbini as he’s leaving. Thankfully he doesn’t spill his coffee, but he does drop his sandwich, which falls apart on the floor.

“I’m so sorry,” the man says. His hair is dyed a pale blond, but the original dark color is visible thanks to his undercut. His eyes are dark and hooded and they instantly draw Sugawara in. Sugawara also can’t help but notice the way the maroon shirt the man is wearing clings nicely to his torso.

“That was my fault. Please let me buy you a new sandwich, at least,” the man continues. Mesmerized, Sugawara simply nods.

A few minutes later, Sugawara has a brand new sandwich and a new friend—his first friend in this town. The man had introduced himself as Miya Atsumu, and apparently he’s lived in Kyoto all his life. They’d exchanged numbers and made plans for the weekend. “Let me show you around,” Atsumu had said, and Sugawara had, at that moment, found himself staring at Atsumu’s face and agreeing wordlessly to the offer.

“Maybe he’s the love you’re apparently looking for,” Daichi offers nonchalantly over the phone later that day. Sugawara laughs as he steps out of his work pants.

“Already?” Sugawara scoffs. “I don’t think I’ve got that much favor with the gods.”

Two weeks later, Sugawara decides he might have been wrong. He is seated in a dark theater watching a movie. He steals a glance at Atsumu, who is seated beside him. The jawline seems more prominent to Sugawara in this lighting, and it makes his date look even more hot.

Sure, he had been immediately attracted to Atsumu. But he had no idea that it had been mutual. And so he had squealed and gushed like a schoolgirl to Daichi over the phone a few days ago when Atsumu had asked him out. And now, as he feels Atsumu’s hand reach for his, Sugawara’s heart is fluttering like crazy in his chest. How is it possible that this man, whom he’s known for literally just two weeks, is able to do this to him? His heart almost stops when Atsumu squeezes his hand gently, both of them staring at the movie screen ahead.

Sugawara can’t believe this guy exists. Not only is he handsome, but he’s been the perfect gentleman throughout the entire night. When the movie ends, Sugawara takes Atsumu’s offer to walk him home. And now here they are, standing outside Sugawara’s apartment, and Sugawara feels like he doesn’t quite want the night to end yet.

“I had fun,” Atsumu says softly. “I’d love to do it again sometime.”

“Me too.” Sugawara nods. He thinks there’s a hint of pink dusting Atsumu’s cheeks, but he’s unsure if that’s embarrassment or just the cold.

“Well… um, okay.” Atsumu smiles sheepishly. “Good night, Suga.”

He stares at Sugawara for a second before asking, “Can I kiss you?”

It’s Sugawara’s turn to stare. He’s sure he looks like an idiot, with his eyes wide as saucers. He had not expected a question; he thought Atsumu would just go for it. He manages to nod his assent. Before he can do anything else, Atsumu leans in and kisses him softly on the cheek.

Atsumu pulls away and clears his throat. “Um, yeah. Okay. Good night.”

Sugawara lets out a small laugh. He raises one eyebrow at Atsumu. “Is that all you got?” he asks.

Atsumu chuckles before their lips finally meet.

Sugawara decides that kissing Atsumu is what heaven must feel like.

***

I hand Suga his phone and get a squeal of delight in return.

“Yes!” He’s practically jumping up and down in glee. “Thanks, babe! You’re such a good photographer.”

I chuckle. I’m really not, but I’m familiar enough with the Fushimi Inari-taisha that I know where the good spots are. On our way here, Suga had confessed to me that he had wanted to have a photo taken with the giant torii, but he had been alone when he had come to the shrine last year. I’d said I’d take his picture when we arrived, and now here we are.

He’s still beaming at his phone. He’s as beautiful as the day I had first laid eyes on him a year ago, when he had entered the main hall with so much fear in his heart—fear of living away from family and friends, fear of disappointing everyone in his life, fear of not being good enough. Nowadays, those fears don’t exist anymore.

“Tsumu?” He takes my hand and squeezes it. “You okay?”

I hadn’t even noticed that I’d spaced out. “Yep,” I reply. “Do you want another picture?”

“I’m good.” Suga shakes his head. “I think I’m ready to go inside.”

Inside the main hall, he means. I have to admit, I’m a bit nervous. I haven’t shown my face to the kami in a year.

“You go ahead,” I say. “I just need the toilet. I’ll meet you inside.”

Lying to him feels awful, but it’s a necessary evil. Hopefully, it won’t be for long.

As soon as he’s inside, I close my eyes. When I open them again, I’m inside the main hall, too, except I’m kind of floating above everyone else, and no one can see me or hear me or feel me or anything.

I hear a voice from nowhere.

“The prodigal son returns.”

I knew he’d be the first one to greet me.

“Samu.” I say his name, and he appears in front of me. “I need to speak to—”

I don’t even finish my sentence. There they all are. We’re in a circle, all together again like old times. Kita-sama is smiling at me.

“It’s nice to see you back home,” Kita-sama says. “How have you been?”

“Good.” I nod for emphasis.

Aran-sama looks at me for a second, and then quickly scans the main hall. “He’s still praying for success and protection,” he says as he’s gazing across the hall at Suga, who is kneeling on the floor.

“He loves his students. He wants to do well for them,” I explain.

“And what do you want, Atsumu?” Kita-sama asks.

Ugh. Why do we have to do this? They all know why I’m here. But they’re choosing to pretend like they don’t—they’re looking at me expectantly, except for Osamu who’s got his eyebrow raised.

“I want to be with him,” I declare. “I love him. I’m in love with him.”

“This is ridiculous,” Osamu groans.

“Stop.” Aran-sama interrupts the fight before it even begins. He looks at me, then at Osamu, and then back at me. He stays quiet for a second. It makes me nervous.

“Aran-sama—”

He interrupts me. “Surely you understand that we cannot make him a god.”

“I do. Which is why—” I take a deep breath, “—I’ve decided that I want to give up my immortality.”

“What?!” Osamu is no longer holding back his anger. His eyes are blazing as he steps up to me. We’re face to face now. It’s like looking in a mirror, except my reflection wants to kill me—if I could be killed.

“The inari okami are five gods.” Osamu’s words are dripping with disdain, coming out from between clenched teeth. “It’s been that way for centuries!”

“And yet literally no one has noticed that there have only been four kami this past year, have they?” I retort. “The inari okami’s power is not in any way diminished by my absence.”

“That’s true,” Omimi-sama mutters. “And to be fair, Osamu, some books list the inari okami as three gods. Some even say it’s just one god.”

I fight the urge to stick my tongue out at Osamu.

“What about him?” Aran-sama asks. He tilts his head toward the middle of the hall so that it’s clear that he’s referring to Suga. “Are you sure about his feelings for you?”

“I am,” I reply softly. My heart clenches in my chest in a good way as I say it. Memories of all the times Suga has told me and shown me that he loves me come flooding back to me. Though I’ve never invaded Suga’s privacy by peering into his mind without his permission, I still hear his prayers. I can’t help it. And I know that he prays for me now, too, right along with his family. And he prays that he never loses me.

That’s how I’m sure.

“Humans are fickle,” Kita-sama says. He says it as a fact, not as an insult. “There is no guarantee that his feelings for you will remain the same.”

“I know that,” I say. “But I’m willing to risk it.”

No one says anything for a few minutes. We’re all watching Suga as he’s burning the incense.

“Does he know?” Omimi-sama breaks the silence.

I shake my head. “Not yet. I’m not sure if it’s even relevant.”

“Of course it is,” Osamu scoffs.

“Not if I’m not immortal anymore!”

A few more moments of silence pass between us. I watch Suga look around the main hall for me. His face is slowly showing his irritation. Sorry babe.

“Nothing stable can be built upon a lie,” Aran-sama says. He’s gentle, but the message is just as clear.

“I have an idea,” Kita-sama says quietly. “Atsumu, if you’re open to it—”

“I’m all ears.”

***

“Atsumuuuuu! Stop holding me hostage in my own house!” Sugawara yells from his bedroom.

Atsumu had insisted on making Sugawara’s birthday dinner. Sugawara had agreed on the condition that it would be a dinner between the two of them and not a birthday party. Somehow, he wasn’t feeling very happy about turning 28.

So Sugawara had thought that he’d come home to the nice, quiet dinner Atsumu had prepared. Instead, Sugawara had come home to an empty dining table and a frazzled Atsumu, who had since locked Sugawara up in the bedroom with instructions not to come out without Atsumu’s say-so.

“It’s my house now too, you know,” Atsumu calls in a singsong voice. “Count to ten then come out!”

“Finally!” Sugawara grumbles. If he’s being honest, he’s not really mad at Atsumu. This little surprise thing is very very sweet, and Sugawara can’t wait to reward him later tonight—provided, of course, that dinner is actually delicious.

Sugawara counts to ten and then throws the bedroom door open. He quickly makes his way to the dining room, where the first thing he sees is Atsumu seated at the table with a huge grin on his handsome face. There’s a small bouquet of lilies in a vase on top of the table.

“Oh honey, this is so sweet,” Sugawara coos. He sits beside Atsumu and reaches out to touch the flower petals gingerly.

“Not as sweet as you,” Atsumu says. He leans in and pecks Sugawara on the cheek.

Dinner is delicious, and after they finish their food, they relocate to the couch to nurse glasses of wine and enjoy a quiet movie. Sugawara leans back against Atsumu’s broad chest, and he thinks that this is one of the best birthdays he’s ever had.

Atsumu’s breath tickles Sugawara’s ear. “I have something for you,” he whispers.

“Yeah?” Sugawara murmurs, only half-paying attention. His eyes are still glued on the TV screen, though his mind is long gone, too relaxed thanks to the wine.

He hears Atsumu say his full name. “Sugawara Koushi.” He’s about to laugh and whine about being called by his full name when he notices that Atsumu has his arms around his waist and is holding a small velveteen box in front of him.

Sugawara’s mind snaps to attention. Is this— can it—?

Atsumu’s voice is right in his ear.

“Will you marry me?”

Sugawara shuffles quickly on the couch so that they’re face to face. Atsumu’s eyes are shiny with unshed tears. Sugawara begins to sob as he takes Atsumu’s face in both his hands.

“Yes,” he chokes out. “Yes! Of course I’ll marry you!”

They both laugh, and Sugawara presses their lips together urgently.

As soon as Atsumu tastes the sweetness of Sugawara’s lips, he passes out.

***

I’m looking at my body on the couch. I look like I’m asleep. Meanwhile, Suga is hysterical. He’s shaking me awake.

“Really?!” I call out. Of course, Suga can’t hear me. But he’s not the one I’m calling out to anyway. “Did you really have to kill me?”

“We didn’t kill you, we just took away your immortality and your powers.” It’s Omimi-sama’s voice. “Apparently loss of consciousness is a side effect. Sorry.”

“Congrats on the engagement,” says Aran-sama’s disembodied voice. “And on the mortality. Honestly, with Kita’s idea, I thought you’d never want to propose.”

“I thought he’d never say yes!” It’s Omimi-sama again. “And then we’d have to keep you on the panel.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I say sarcastically.

“You’re welcome,” replies Omimi-sama’s voice.

“We’ve fulfilled our end of the bargain. Now it’s your turn.” It’s Aran-sama again. “Good luck on all the explaining you’ll have to do.”

I groan loudly. Again, Suga can’t hear me.

“Congratulations, Atsumu.” This time, it’s Kita-sama.

“Thank you, Kita-sama. And thank you, all of you, for allowing me to do this.”

“When you wake up, you’ll be truly alive,” Kita-sama’s voice explains, “in three… two…”

“Wait!”

It’s Osamu’s voice. He suddenly appears in front of me wearing a smirk. “You’re lucky he never has to meet me,” he jokes. He pulls me into a quick hug before disappearing again.

“…One.”

I open my eyes slowly and look down the length of my body. Everything feels the same, but also different. It’s like I’m in my body for the first time in my life.

“Atsumu!” Suga, still sobbing, pulls me close and buries his face in the crook of my neck. “Oh gods, you scared me! I thought you’d died!”

“I’m alright,” I say as I wrap my arms around him. “I’m alive.”